First Day Solo

Baby boy came early. Two weeks early and I promise this time, I won't wait until a year after baby is born to write down his birth story. 

Two weeks and one day. First time just me and my two loves. No baby daddy, no grandparents or friends. Just us three for ten hours. 

My mom called last night and asked if I wanted her to change her plans. I told her, I got this and honestly I was curious to see how it goes. 

It's not even 2 o'clock in the afternoon but I think we're doing ok. By some  miracle, I manged to bake muffins with Buttercup and baby boy slept. 

Not in arms and flat on his back! 

But the biggest miracle is this combo nap that is happening right now as we speak!

 

Only thing missing is me-napping. Which I intend to try to do. So if you'll excuse me. 

I'm fully aware that the rest of this day may go to hell so let me enjoy this while I can. 

Finding your voice

My kid talks a lot.

I imagine most almost-three-year-olds talk a lot but I don't have a real reference point. All I know, is that we have another talking human being in our family full of questions, ideas and opinions. And some of the stuff she says blows my mind. 

So far, miss chatter box really only graces us with her talkative, inquisitive ways. Buttercup has always been a reserved child. Slow to warm up to people, or in a lot of cases, never warms up to people. 

I think she's barely spoken a word to anyone that isn't us (her parents) or her grandparents or aunts. When asked a direct question she usually kinda just stares back at the person. It can be awkward. I've read I'm not supposed to answer for her but I admit, sometimes the silence kills me! 

But she's starting to talk! To strangers! People she's never met before. In my mind, this is a huge. 

I've been dragging Buttercup to a lot of doctor appointments lately. And she does remarkably well. She's such a little grown up sometimes, asking questions, making observations. At a recent eye appointment, the technician asked her if she was having a baby brother or baby sister. Usual pause followed with BC just staring back and then she said, "A BABY BROTHER!" I almost fell over myself. 

We've had a few other moments. A lady asked her her name. Pause...long pause and then BC answered with great authority, "I AM SOPHIA." 

I know this might be "no big deal" but BC has always been so reserved. It's always been a concern of mine.

Am I enabling her shyness? Squashing her ability to be a self sufficient, independent adult? Am I coddling her? Doing more harm keeping her at home with me instead of sending her to school? These are questions I've over-analyzed about myself and things I've been criticized for. 

Lately, I've seen BC make huge social strides. We've been taking music classes since Buttercup was about 18 months. In the beginning, BC sat on my lap and barely participated. I admit, I fretted and  compared. Children younger than her would actively participate, go and grab instruments. Not my kid. This past week in music class, when I saw her singing at the top of her lungs and laughing out loud during some of the activities my.heart.soared.

Not only does it bring me joy but there's a certain validation I feel. Do you remember the "How do you like them apples?" scene from 'Good Will Hunting?' That's how I feel. 

I've been a mother for almost three years now. It's been an amazing journey but it's also been at times a lonely journey sometimes full of self doubt and anxiety. You see, it turns out, EVERYBODY'S A CRITIC. And when it comes to parenting, holy shit. People are frigging analyzing the crap out of you. And I'm sick of it. 

I'm sick of my relatives and friends WHO DON'T HAVE KIDS being so quick to offer parenting solutions or criticisms. 

I'm sick of friends WITH KIDS that think it's ok to make unsupportive comments or tell you how you should handle your kid. 

But mostly I'm sick of MYSELF for doubting myself and not squashing the critics right from the bat and letting them get into my head. 

As I wait for baby boy to arrive and for Buttercup to lose her status as an only child, I'm feeling nervous. I'm pretty sure this new chapter of parenthood will rock all our worlds and I fully expect a new wave of challenges and obstacles. But I'm hoping that if I've learned anything so far being a mom is that, my kid is all right. We are going to be just fine. 

Bury the lede

So I totally snuck that snippet of news that we are expecting at the end of my last post.

…you know, my last post that was a zillion years ago.

What can I say? Sometimes it's hard to keep up and get to this little space of the internet to document and reflect. I had so many plans for this little diary of mine and hopes of documenting this pregnancy but alas, here we are at 28 weeks   THIRTY THREE WEEKS and I have yet to take one weekly bump shot. 

It makes me a bit sad because I truly think this second time around warrants so much more. Going into this knowing what I know now is such a different experience. There is relief, because no matter what, I will never be that first time mom ever again. Between you and me being a first time mom kinda sucked. All the worrying I did. Not that I won't worry or still don't constantly worry. Worry and doubt run through my veins and I'm not naive enough to think that this second time will be a breeze or assume this second experience will be just like my first experience with Buttercup but there is some comfort knowing that I've gone through this before.

Already, this little baby has been such a different experience from Buttercup in so many ways.

It took us waaay longer to get pregnant this time. And once I got pregnant it just felt different. First of all, I was hungry ALL THE TIME!!!  It seemed out of control. I'd wake up hungry, I'd get up in the middle of the night to eat, just hungry all the time! I definitely don't remember feeling this way with BC. I also feel more tired and just more blah this time around. Other differences? Wild and crazy dreams. Oh good lord. Thank God they finally subsided because those dreams weirded me out!

And maybe it all makes sense it feels different this time around because we are having a boy! A boy! I won't lie. I might have been a little shocked when I saw those blue balloons come out of that box. (Sorry there isn't actually a good photo of said blue balloons coming out of the box)

Sure, I knew it was a 50/50 chance we'd have a boy but I'm just so used to girls! I grew up with sisters. I've got all these cute girl clothes all ready to go! Who will be Buttercup's maid-of-honor? This means one day I might have a daughter-in-law which means I will turn into a monster-in-law despite all my efforts to be a normal human being. But everyone tells me I have no idea how wonderful the mother-son relationship is. And I believe them. I do. Forget about Elsa and Ana.

So I've got seven weeks left-give or take. And I am freaking the heck out. I've been nursing a cold that has lasted 24 days. I feel pretty confident that I never fully recovered from my first cold and just got another cold circa day 21 because my symptoms started back up again. Which sucks but I'm pushing through. This baby will be here before you know it. And I've decided that in addition to getting ready for baby, I must finish several projects around the house. Which hopefully one day I will share here. One day...

But for now I'll leave you with this photo "project"to announce our pregnancy with friends and family.  Naturally, my desire for this photo project drove everyone around me crazy. I knew I wanted to do another play on the "bun in the oven" theme like we did the first time. And so help me, I was going to make it happen even if my husband wanted to kill me.

our first bun in the oven photo

Obsessed!

All I've done this week is text pictures of  kids in adorable costumes to my sisters. No lie. I just can't stand the Halloween cuteness. Every time I check my Instagram feed, there's another sweet, smiling babe in a brilliantly creative costume. 

This year our sweet, smiling babe is MinnIe Mouse. 

While not as creative as some of the ensembles I've seen this year, in my humble opinion, a true classic when it comes to cuteness. 

Halloween's not even over and I'm already looking ahead to next years costumes. In fact, I've already started pinning ideas. You see, next year they'll be TWO kids to dresss up. Double the fun! Sophia and her little brother!! 

The possibilities are endless! Cinderella and a baby pumpkin? Peter Pan and Tinkerbell? I can't wait! 

Blue chair

I present to you the ugliest glider known to man kind.

Sadly, it lives in my house.

It's technically not mine. It's my parents.  But still, it's in MY house. And I hate it. 

When we first moved to Maryland and were living with my parents it was the comfiest place to nurse and rock Buttercup to sleep.  We spent entire naps on that chair. So we decided to bring it along when we moved into our own place. And while there are sweet, loving memories associated with this chair it also has a dark side. 

Rocking BC to sleep in this chair became the bane of my existence. You can read more about our sleep and rocking journey here but to sum it up we went through A LOT to break the association of rocking to sleep. 

Somehow we were able to break the association. (Not that sleep has gotten that much easier for us, but more on that later) But I still held on to  the chair. Despite it being clunky and not going with a single thing in my house, it's really comfortable. And it became part of the bedtime routine to read books siting in that chair. Somewhere along the line, BC began to refer to it simply as the "blue chair."

I really wanted a new glider, kinda felt I DESERVED a new glider all the hours we logged in that thing. I wanted something sleek and modern but realized something pretty and modern plus comfortable  = more than we wanted to spend at the time so it was put on the back burner. 

Besides we had other things to deal with. Like BC's sleep issues. Technically, I shouldn't say BC has sleep issues. She sleeps great, sleeps like a champ really. It's just getting her to fall asleep that's the challenge.  Also, the fact that in order for her to stay asleep and sleep through the night I need to be physically next to her.  Le sigh!

I'm not sure where things went wrong. It's hard to believe at one point that we were able stick her in the crib and walk out of the room and she'd fall asleep on her own. Around here we call it the golden age but the golden age didn't last long. Despite all the set backs and struggles I was all about channeling Frozen and was all "turn away and slam the door" when it came to that blue chair. I refused to go back to rocking BC to sleep. REFUSED.

Until a few weeks ago. Lesson learned, never say never. 

I blame my husband.

 It was nap time and no surprise, I was struggling to get BC to take a nap. I was getting increasingly frustrated and she was getting increasingly crankier.

Daddy-o to the rescue. He swept in and picked her up and sat in the chair. At this point I'm too tired/frustrated to object and literally by the time he got through one "twinkle, twinkle little star" she was out like a light. 

WTF, does the chair have magical powers?!!?? I know I said I wouldn't  go back but the time it takes her to fall asleep went from 45 minutes to an hour to 20 minutes. It's been a game changer. 

And so ladies and gentleman, she's baaaackk.

Potty Diaries

It seems like every mom out there with a two-year-old is in the throes of potty training. And I'm all like, "What's the big rush?" Sure, changing diapers isn't exactly my idea of a good time and yes, I'm tired of spending money on diapers but seriously ya'll, potty training scares the bejesus out of me. 

Even the whole lingo associated with these bodily functions offends me greatly and I can't figure out what words to teach Buttercup. I cannot stand the word pee pee or pee.  Potty is ok, so is poop but what do you call number 1? Will calling it number one and number 2 confuse her when it comes to counting?

I felt like these were things I needed to sort out before embarking on this journey. Except I never really had the chance. I had been talking about going potty and how she's too big for diapers. We've been reading books, watching cartoons and I guess it sunk in. One evening out on a walk, BC declared with great gusto and authority, "no more diapers!" And I felt like I couldn't really pass up on this possible momentum. 

So there I was, like all the other moms of two-year-olds, barricaded inside the house with a bare-bottomed toddler. The first day wasn't fun, that's for sure. I almost broke my back when I ran into the bathroom and slipped on a puddle of "number 1." (I ain't writing out the word pee again, sorry; except wait, I just did) It's gotten better and dare I say, it wasn't that bad and BC seems to have number 1 down. I'll spare you the details of number 2.

But even so, as a mom of a semi potty-trained toddler, I'm here to declare that I don't think being out of diapers is all it's cracked up to be. As if I don't think I nag and repeat myself enough, now I get to add, "do you need to go to the potty?" to my list of "constant things I repeat over and over all day long"

And I swear my kid can go forever without going to the potty if we are at home. The second we are in a situation that involves a foreign toilet she's got to go.right.now. 

I personally avoid public restrooms at all costs. I have visited more public restrooms these past few weeks than I'm really comfortable with. And what is up with their need to touch everything?!  It's like their brains hear you screaming, "don't touch anything!" But they interpret it as, "touch all the things, touch all the things in this public germ fest!!!!"

I know I'll get through this and it's not like I could've kept her in diapers forever but sometimes diapers don't look so bad.

Hostess with the Mostess

Have you heard? WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!! Ok, correction. It's not really MY wedding but my sister is getting hitched which is almost the same thing.

A few weeks ago we threw Katalina her bridal shower. In my house. Like I hosted. And this is what I learned--hostess with the mostess.... I AM NOT.  The party started at 2 o'clock and the first guest rang the doorbell (on time) and I was in my pajamas. It was pretty shameful. But I managed to recover and the party was a success despite the rocky start and I'm pretty darn proud.  After weeks of pinning ideas from Pinterest and laboring over such fine details like what cupcake toppers to use we pulled it off. "We" as in my entire family because it takes a village, literally, especially when I decide that I want to craft and DIY decorations when I've never even held a glue gun in my hand before planning this party.

Katalina will be a May bride, as in, holy cow the wedding is less two weekends away!  So our theme was "April Showers bring May Brides."

And it wouldn't be a party without some kind of photo booth set up. Which after a lot of trial and tribulation we were able to pull off! It was probably 15 minutes before the party was about to start when Chris (my other sister) and I were this close to just nixing the idea. But it turned out great and was a big hit.

 Here a few detail shots.

The adorable "I do" cake toppers were from this etsy shop.

And this adorable print came from the lovely Jessica at it's Just my Type

I didn't get a good picture of it framed but it was a sweet touch, especially since Kathy and Jessica are friends and used to work together. 

Now any ideas what I can do with 15 strings of colorful rain drops?  Because I cannot bring myself to throw them away. Not after everyone in my family spent nights cutting out rain drops and I burned myself a zillion times using that damn hot glue gun.