Eternal Search for Perfect Job...or at this rate...Any Job

"You are just never at peace with yourself," my husband says with a sigh last night on the couch. Yeah, you can say that again.

I am never happy with where I am in my life. Never satisfied. Even though I technically have a job, I still decide to punish myself and get a demeaning, low-paying other one. Is it the Catholic in me that believes I must suffer?

Yes, I started a new gig this week. I use the word "gig" because to call it a "job" just wouldn't be right. A job has connotations of real pay, you know in exchange for services that require actual thinking and maybe even benefits, a 401K.  This "gig" includes none of the above.

I've been feeling desperate. I haven't worked since January. That's a long time. I know I'm lucky   blessed to still have the "work from home job" but it's not a job in my field and a few weeks ago my sister sent me an article about how companies view you as unemployable if you've been unemployed for more than six months. Basically, they figured you've already been passed over, so they don't want you. And this freaked me out.  Plus, I'm just l.o.n.e.l.y.

I don't like staying home all day.

So in my desperation, I started applying to any and every job out there in my field-even, gulp, internships.

I got zero call backs.

This is not good. I am young, it's not like I can go the rest of my life without a real job.

Finally, someone wrote me asking me to come in. Do you remember how I mentioned that I got my start in the mail room? Well, this may even be beneath the mail room.

I spend all day transcribing and logging video. I'm feeling like such a fat loser.

I'm hunched over a computer and a video deck, typing away. Is this how the Jewish and Italian immigrants felt slaving away making blouses before they were killed in the Triangle Fire??? I feel like what I do is the 21st Century version of a sweatshop but instead of a sewing machine I've got a computer and a video deck.

My reasoning for taking this job is that I need to just get myself out there. And it is a production company so it's related, you know, it's not like I took a job in retail. Although ever since my sister stopped working at JCrew and lost her discount, I have been considering retail....

Ironically, on my first day I transcribed an interview with an 80-year-old man that's still working and I found myself feeling jealous of him because he loves his job. He says going to work everyday is the one thing keeping him alive. The producer asked him if he ever plans on leaving his job. He said, "Never! they'll take me out the back door when I die."

Wow. Can you imagine loving your job so much that you'd like want to die at work? Will I ever find a job like that? Probably not.  Not only did this old man LOVE his job but he also made good money. Apparently, when you're 80 you don't feel the need to be humble about how much money you make. The thing that kills me is that this 80-year old man didn't do anything special to get this job it just LANDED ON HIS LAP. 

ROUGH TRANSCRIPTION BASED FROM MY MEMORY OF TYPING OUT EVERY SINGLE SYLLABLE  THAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH
80-year old man: I didn't have a job and one day I'm just sitting in a restaurant and my friend comes in and says, Marvin there's a job down the street-they're waiting for you. And I go, who are they? And my friend says just go and see them they're waiting for you. So I go and I don't even open my mouth the entire time-they do all the talking and hire me right there. And they asked me how much do you want and I gave them a number and they said sure, sure fine and here I am 50 years later. (smiles at camera)

Sigh, sometimes you just get lucky sitting in a restaurant.