Did someone say photo shoot?

I think I missed my calling. I should have been a set designer. There's something that comes over me whenever I see an opportunity for a photo shoot.

When I got it in my head that I wanted to do a vintage inspired birth announcement, I spent hours searching for a retro style stove. I scoured Craigslist, posted ads for vintage and antique stoves, I even located showrooms that featured high-end retro cooking ranges. Unfortunately, I could not convince my husband or sister to casually show up to one of these showrooms, stand in front of a oven and snap a few pictures.

It was literally my mission in life to find me a stove. This is me at Williams Sonoma in Columbus Circle eyeing their cooking ranges.

In the end, I found not one but two kitchens for my little photo idea. One had a green stove-GREEN!! My first choice would've been aqua blue but hey, beggars can't be choosers. (Ignore the fact, that I don't look pregnant here. I promise you there was a bun in the oven at the time-my oven, as in, my uterus not the actual oven with the bread)

 

 

When Buttercup turned six months I pinned a zillion pins on Pinterest for inspiration. I gave my husband very specific requests on the color balloons we would need for the photo.

For Christmas, I had my husband dress up as Santa Claus.





It did not go so well.

My latest photo project? Valentines Day. While searching for a photographer to do Buttercup's one year portraits I came across a photographer doing a Valentine's Day mini session and I was all over it. An excuse to dress up my kid for a made-up commercial holiday? Yes, please.

The beauty of this photo shoot is that I actually have me a professional. In my past endeavors it's been me begging my sister to humor me. You don't even want to know how many times during our shoots she'd take the camera away from her face stare me down and hiss, "hire yourself a professional!" I know deep down she loved every minute of it. Maybe...

Of course there are drawbacks to having a professional, like I can't send random texts to the photographer whenever I get an idea in my head. Five minutes ago it was, "CONVERSATION HEARTS! We NEED to buy a pound of conversation hearts for props!!!!" My photographer seems nice but dont think her fee includes putting up with a crazy woman.

And I AM crazy. I'm kind of embarrassed to say I've just spent at least an hour online searching for the perfect tutu. A TUTU. Not just any old tutu will do. First of all, it has to be red. It would appear that pink seems to be the color of choice for tutu's--red not so much. And I want soft and whimsical. Not hard and pointy looking.

I'm not sure what it says about me that I get so excited and determined over red tutus. I take that back. I have a pretty good idea what it says about me and none of it is good but I can't help myself. I'm off to find me some heart-shaped sunglasses.

Buttercup

Here's the story behind Buttercup-as in why we actually call Buttercup-Buttercup. In a nutshell, you can chalk it up to commitment issues. I just couldn't commit to a name and so our daughter was nameless for a day, maybe it was two days...

I know, horrible right?  I feel kinda bad about the whole thing but I was sure we were having a boy and so when SHE came out it threw us for a loop.

I always had a particular girl's name in mind, and surprisingly my husband liked it too. I thought it was a classic name and didn't think it was trendy but suddenly it was on the top of all the baby name lists. I really didn't want my kid to be the third or fourth "Jennifer" in school.  Seriously, I can name at least five Jenn's from school.  So since we kinda had a girl's name we both liked (even though we were turned off by its surge in popularity) we decided to put all our focus on boy names because, let me tell you, we could not for the love of all that is good in this world agree on a boy's name. Thus, convincing me that we were definitely having a boy. (So much for mother's intuition)

I found choosing a name for our child to be stressful. What if our kid hates the name we select-what if after we go with a name -someone with the same name decides to go and do something stupid/tacky thus causing a distasteful association for every other poor soul that has the misfortune of sharing the same name. Perfect example--Lorena Bobbit. I rest my case.

It's a lot of pressure! So we stalled on officially naming her. Luckily, everyone was so distracted on learning the baby was a girl to give us too much of a hard time.  I learned very quickly in my pregnancy that when you opt to not find out the sex of the baby people become very invested in guessing telling you what you're having-the cleaning lady in the office, strangers on the subway, your dental hygienist.. . it even becomes competitive. At our baby shower we had a "guess the sex of the baby" photo booth.

It was a lot of fun. Overwhelmingly everyone, myself included thought boy for sure. I come from a family of all girls-surely it was time for some testosterone.

But no -what we thought was a he was a she all along and we couldn't be happier but we weren't 100% sure about her name. When the hospital pediatrician came in to examine her she of course asked us what her name was. When we told her she didn't have one she held up our nameless, wrinkly, tiny piece of perfection paused and said,  "I think I'll call you Buttercup" and we liked it-we liked it very much. And so it stuck. And that's how Buttercup or BC for short came to be.

Eventually we went with a name. Although, not our original first choice but not to fear it still tops the charts for most popular names. :/

drowsy but awake

"It is crucial to put your baby down drowsy but awake."

I remember reading this in all the parenting/baby books milling around the apartment but didn't pay much attention. And now nine months in, I realized I should have.  These words HAUNT me and sitting in a dark room at a godforsaken hour watching my husband rock our little girl in his arms I want nothing more than to DROP-KICK these words.

It's not that I chose to blatantly ignore the advice of all the parenting experts, I TRIED to put Buttercup down drowsy but awake but guess what? She didn't really dig it, she much preferred to fall asleep in my arms than actually having to learn to fall sleep on her own and I was only happy to oblige.

You see as a first time mom it would be fair to compare me to a young school girl, blinded by love wearing rose colored glasses all the while repeating over and over, "You can't spoil a baby, you can't spoil a baby! I'm teaching her security and comfort-ALL THE EXPERTS SAY SO!"

True, but those same experts that assured me I couldn't spoil my baby still said, "yo momma put your baby down drowsy but awake!" Now we're knee-deep in "poor" sleep associations as in, I need to be on your boob and in your arms to sleep and at nine months-well it makes me feel like the biggest fail of a parent.

It wasn't always this way she USED to go down rather easily in her crib but then we hit four months and we moved into my parents basement and then there was the business trip to Tampa.....and so here we are. 

Dr. Ferber calls us "reactive cosleepers" or as the Sleep Lady Shuffle likes to refer to us  "We didn't plan it this way" co-sleepers.  Oh yea-I've read them all and if you're a parent whose kid doesn't sleep well then chances are you have too because when your baby doesn't sleep it CONSUMES you.

So whats our strategy-I've got no freaking clue. Despite reading and rereading all these sleep books I'm still at a loss-pathetic I know. But something has got to give because baby girl needs to sleep-this isn't so much about me and my exhaustion it's about her neurons connecting!

But change is not easy, especially in the middle of the night when you're dog tired. I feel pretty confident this night will end where it always does, Buttercup in bed with us, snuggled up against me, her lil' head nuzzled in my neck. I try to remind myself that it'll all pass too soon and I'll miss this-I'll miss it so much but man oh man I miss me some zzzz's.