Nothing says holidays like some RUM!

I'm feeling like a bit of a loser in the whole domesticated Holidays arena.  If you look around the apartment the only signs of Christmas is our wine rack.

See?

It's totally full.

It doesn't usually look this way. We usually at best have one or two bottles on the rack and one is usually empty just for appearance sake.

The problem is we can't be trusted. If we buy a lot on wine in bulk-we will drink a lot of wine in bulk. The more we have the more we drink.

But it's Christmas and my hubby works for some really nice people that spoil us with a case of wine every year for Christmas.

The wine rack sure does look beautiful full of vino doesn't it. (We'll see how long it lasts)  By the way my hubby made that-like ALL-BY-HIMSELF.

The actual metal racks he bought from IKEA but the rest was all his doing and a lot of trips carrying wood on the subway.

This is our little DIY corner. Above the wine rack is my little DIY project. (And I do spend a lot of time on home design blogs and this is the best I could come up with people)

This is my little project where I took pretty wrapping paper and scrapbook paper and put in frames.

 Back to the holiday decor. We didn't even put up a tree this year...which makes me very sad. But it just didn't happen. The first two weeks of December we were dealing with the surgery and it was just too darn cold for me to say let's go walk ten minutes to get to the closest tree stand. Third week-back to work for me and now it's a week before Christmas and..... 

All I have a little nativity out and the few Christmas cards up that we've gotten.

So I decided to at least make rum cake . I'm not much of a food blog follower. But I do like Pioneer Woman's blog (think she's a great writer and love the easy to follow photos!) and last year I made this cake and got good feedback (i.e. hubby ate it up) and feel like it'll be a nice Christmas tradition.

And most importantly it's fairly simple. And we have rum left over to add to our wine rack/bar!

I feel bad about my neck too....

Just like Nora Ephron, I feel bad about my neck.

I was lured to Borders because there was a 50% off coupon with today being the last day of the coupon and my sister needed me to pick up a gift. Of course,  I was attracted to the title since I am still dealing with my neck and scar acceptance issues plus the book is really bright and yellow...ANYWAY..

I read the first essay about her neck in the store and could totally relate. I ALMOST bought the book. Almost but did not. (I can talk myself out of just about any purchase. It is a gift that I sure do hope my husband appreciates and a gift that I wish would rub off my sister, Christy and Julie too)  But the coupon was for just ONE item and since I already had to buy Kathy's gift and is the book REALLY worth $13.99....ANYWAY

First of all, I'm tired of wearing scarves. And this has only been the first week that I've gone back to work and faced the real world. I like scarves, I know they make a nice accessory and can be cute and trendy but EVERYDAY?  Plus, I have a color problem. Here's a quick shot of my small but growing scarf collection.

Notice how they all seem to fall into the dark, fuchsia pink family. I've always been drawn to that color whether it be on my toes or my walls. But I can't wear this everyday. Sure it may be a new scarf but what do I wear underneath. I have one basic black sweater, people.  And then you got the white scarf, which has come in handy.

And turtlenecks. Come on people say the word out loud. T.U.R.T.L.E.N.E.C.K.  Sure sounds young, hip and sexy, huh? I tried to go shopping for turtlenecks and I don't think turtlenecks are in this season.  Don't get my wrong, I like a good, chunky, warm turtleneck sweater and can actually pull it off but I can't find ANY!  The one at Ann Taylor Loft was too long, the sales lady told me it didn't come in petite and no, just because the other girls are wearing long sweaters over their leggings/jeggins does not mean that look is going to look right on ME!

I still haven't seen my scar. It's still covered with those strip thingies. I rushed home because I knew I would have the apartment to myself for a while and I want to be alone when I take the strips off.

I stood in the bathroom, stared at my neck and talked myself out of it.

Technically, the "Incision Care Instructions for Thyroidectomy/Parathyroidectomy" plainly states in black and white, "The tape strips across the the incision provide support during the healing process and must not be removed for three weeks."  Well..technically it hasn't been three weeks. Tomorrow will be three weeks... granted a few lines later it says "After the strips begin to separate from the skin you may gently remove them after soaking in nail polish remove with a q-tip." And yea, the strips are beginning to separate but I'll wait at least one more day.

Motivate Me

I blame this all on you, Julie ...and Christy too. But mainly Julie because we had a whole conversation this morning about the Nook versus the Kindle because Christy (sister) wants a Kindle for Christmas.

Julie, of course has a strong opinion on the debate. "Kindle all the way!" she proclaims. I, just to annoy her made her defend all her reasons why Kindle was better. Her response? She basically told me to shove it and that the Kindle was better JUST BECAUSE.

I'm disappointed Jules that you didn't list the Kindle commercials as a reason why Kindle is better. I would've accepted that answer because I DO love the commercials.

Click here to watch Kindle Commercial but you are required to sing-along


I especially love it when my husband sings along. (You would have to know him and have heard his voice...think Gloria from Modern Family hilarious/The Godfather raspiness mixed with a little Brooklyn now imagine him singing "will you fly me awaay")

Anyway, all day today I've been using the words from the Good Charlotte song "Motivation Proclamation" circa 2000 to try to get my butt into gear. And yes, Good Charlotte waay before Nicole Richie-I'm talking WALDORF, Maryland baby. (DON'T JUDGE)

I'm in this weird limbo. I haven't gone back to work at my freelance job.

To be honest, I don't even know if they WANT me back or if I want to even go  back. I want so badly to be an editor and not a producer and I know in order to do that I need to friggin practice editing but do I do it? NO!

Back when I was working and coming home at 9 every night I said it was because of the job but I've had all day today to try to edit together a fun montage from our European vacation and instead I become fascinated with the KINDLE COMMERCIAL and all the adorable and oh-so- creative stop motion videos out there! (because of YOU Julie!)

And now I'm writing this blog because I HAVE to share. OMG! People are so friggin talented it makes me sick! I love the wedding industry I really do. I can say that now that I am not planning or saving money for my own wedding. But seriously, I love all the creative and pretty stuff out there.

Check out this Save the Date video from  Blue Lotus Company  

Big shout out to them because these talented sisters designed my wedding invitations. But isn't that just darling?

But there's even more! Check out the video on Trent Bailey's website. What a great engagement shoot. I loved the XOXO balloons! And how nice to have a little video of it you know.

But this is me screaming to my computer, "I CAN SHOOT VIDEO, I CAN EDIT! I just can't seem to get myself out of this bed!" (back to Good Charlotte honey-keep up)

And it's not just weddings, it's families and precious moments and I am one big sap that eats this kind of stuff up.  Ok, I'll only share one more.

This one is from Plemon Studios and it's a little stop motion video documenting the birth of their baby. 
Awww, right?

Anyway, I'm telling myself that the last couple hours spent checking out other people's talented work will motivate and inspire!

At the very least I maybe got Julie to go listen to GC!

Check-Up

This morning I went back for my second follow-up after my thyroid surgery.

I was trying not to freak out since I thought the doc would take off the plastic-like strips (I think the official name is steri-strips) that cover the actual incision and so thought today I'd be coming face-to-face with my new neck and new scar.

It wasn't exactly an introduction I've been looking forward to.

The doctor did take the strips off and cleaned it up but stuck more of the strips back on for another week. 

The only one that got to see it was my husband so I spent the last hour asking my husband how it looked a thousand different ways to see if I could get some kind of other response other than, "it doesn't look bad."

Me: Does it look bad? Be honest.
Husband: It doesn't look bad.
Me: Be HONEST
Husband: I AM being honest.

Me: Does it look better or worse than what you expected?
Husband: I think it looks the way it's supposed to look.

Me: On a scale of 1 to 10...
Husband: How long is this going to go on?

Me: Am I going to cry when I see it?
Husband: I'll tell you one thing if you do cry you're going to get a one-way ticket to the moon

Sometimes I think God really did find me the perfect partner. Because I do recognize that if he answered me any other way it would only feed my neuroticism. 

The doc finally prescribed me synthroid which is the medicine that replaces the hormones that my thyroid was responsible for. 

This is the tricky part because it can sometimes take a while to get the right dosage that works best for you so it can be a bit of trial and error at first. Which sucks because if it's too much or too little you can suffer from a slew of side effects.

The biggest side effect I've read about is weight gain and feeling tired.  I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I mean what woman wants to hear that she may gain five to ten pounds. Because it's oh sooo easy to lose ten pounds..yea right. It's friggin HARD to lose weight and I have a whole baggage full of weight issues that I've dealt with my whole life but I'll deal. Hopefully in a few weeks I"ll be able to work out again and I'll feel better about myself.

In brighter news, this Saturday I can start DRINKING again!

Not to sound like a lush but this has been a true sacrifice for me. Apparently alcohol is not good and can cause bleeding so you can't drink before or after having surgery. I haven't had a glass of wine OR a margarita OR an apple martini OR a mojito (that's about all I drink) in THREE weeks. Sad but I don't think I've gone that long without drinking since I turned 21...oh who the heck am I kidding...like I didn't discover alcohol until 21!   HA!

Anyway, I figured I'd write about my experience because I know when I was struggling with trying to make a decision about what to do about my thyroid I spent hours and hours reading stuff on-line and it always helped to stumble across a blog and read about real people's experiences.

Too Sensitive?

Most of the time I would say my husband is truly a thoughtful and sensitive person. But sometimes he too shows a not so nice color....like on Saturday night...but it got me thinking if maybe I am TOO sensitive.

So you know we're a big netflix couple...we prefer to watch movies and tv shows at home instead of spending a ridiculous amount of money going to the movies but lately we haven't been too sure of what to put in the queue. We're all caught up with Entourage and Mad Men and haven't gotten into any new shows. So I was absent-mindly going through new releases and saw "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." 

I haven't read the book but haven't been living under a rock...I would always see folks on the train with the book and knew and it was a best-seller. Plus I remember seeing a review for it in a cab when it came out in the theatres and the movie review guy seemed to dig it...  So I added it to the queue.

I was a little aprehensive because I do not like violent or scary movies but do understand that if I limited myself to violent-free movies I'd miss out on the majority of movies with good story lines and plots and thus only watch pitiful romantic comedies. So I figured let's give it a go.

Ok, I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO. 

Yes, it was a good movie in terms of suspense and plot I suppose-I totally get why it was a best-seller but I can't HANDLE these kind of movies.

Violence is one thing. Like I could totally handle "Inglourious Basterds" another good movie. It was violent but satirical and you can easily close your eyes during the really bad scenes but "the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" totally different ball game. 

Two words. Sexual violence.  Here are two other words for you. CAN'T HANDLE.

There were some really explicit scenes in this movie which I will not go into detail but they were HORRIBLE. The first scene was bad but I sat through it...the next one was much more violent and I got upset. I get that it has to do with the plot and character building and blah blah blah but on a Saturday night when you are watching a movie to be entertained no SCRATCH THAT...under no circumstances can I think of any desire to sit down and willingly watch a woman be abused in such a horrible and disgusting manner.

So anyway I got upset-told hubs I can't watch this..can you at least fast forward it..and yes we have a really bad remote and he gets frustrated using it but he GOT ANNOYED WITH ME!  Can you believe it? The remote of course didn't respond because it never does and I got up to leave the room.  Annoyed that he's annoyed and not moving fast enough in MY opinion to get this horrible scene out of my living room I snippily (is that a word) say, "can you at least turn the volume down."

AND THEN HE RESPONDED, "it's just a movie" in like a really huffy puffy voice.

Are you kidding me??? Great I thought now we're going to get in a fight because now it my duty as a woman and as a wife to set him straight.

Yes, it's a movie but hello it's a rape scene and violence against women is real and happens and HE SHOULD BE MORE SENSITIVE.

From the bathroom I calmly told him he should've taken a women's study classs in college instead of learning how to play golf and tennis and started spewing out things I remembered from my women's studies class.

He got the remote to work and I could tell he felt really bad and so we moved on. I ended up watching the rest of the movie but it was definitely violent and we had to watch two episodes of "The Office" on the laptop in bed afterwards to try to shake off the dark movie. I would not recommend to anyone and would be curious to see what other women's take on the movie is.

Am I too sensitive?

A few years ago, traveling for work I was stuck at the airport and decided to buy a book. I decided to pick up "Lovely Bones" because it said best seller on it and I had seen a few people reading it lately. Figured it was good. Again-HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO.  I remember distinctly, the girl at the check out gushed over the book, said it was soo good.

Um....the book opens with violent rape scene and murder of  A LITTLE GIRL. I felt sick to my stomach. I finished the book and could appreciate it but would never had picked it up had I known what it was really about. I guess literary folks smarter than me would give me some spiel about it being about the characters and their response to loss..but don't want to read through a girl suffering that way.

I've never been the victim of violence-sexual or otherwise...(and I am dearly thankful for that) but seem to be super sensitive to this stuff.

Clearly other people can get past these violent scenes to appreciate the book or the movie. Remember it was a woman that gushed about the book to me. And there's a whole TV show dedicated to solving "sexually based offenses" that apparently is a big hit; "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit"

During my overnight stay at the hospital last week I shared a room with an older woman. We spoke briefly through the curtain that separated us and even though I was there less than 24 hours could tell she was a very kind lady. Well this kind lady watched nothing but Law and Order: SVU.  She loved it and maybe the nurse was just making small talk but she seemed to be a fan too. All I could to myself is why on earth would you want to watch such a dark program...isn't being in a hospital BAD ENOUGH?

Clearly, other people can handle this kind of stuff. I'd hate to think that I am some naive woman that only wants to see the world through rose-colored glasses. I get that bad, ugly things happen out there and I pray that those bad, ugly things stay far away from me and my loved ones. But I for one am looking forward to watching the next movie in our queue...."Diary of a Wimpy Kid."

You've Got Mail

Yesterday we received our first Christmas card of the season and it totally made my day.

(Of course it's from my good friend, Ginny but then of course I would expect nothing less from Ginny) 

I LOVE getting Christmas cards. I think there's something so festive and romantic about getting a holiday card in the mail.

Knowing that I was going to be stuck in the house after my surgery I made a quick run last week to buy some Christmas cards to send during my recovery but then I made the mistake of spending a good hour on the computer looking at some of the adorable and creative holiday cards out there and kinda regret my purchases.

These are some of my favorites:

From  Snow & Graham

I totally dig the whole aqua blue and brown thing.

And for those of you (ahem Julie) that love the aqua blue and red combo....

And what is it about birds!! love the cute birds. This is from etsy seller Monkey Mind Design

I especially love city holiday scenes. I remember visiting my then boyfriend now husband during December during our several years of long distance and thinking there is no better place to feel the holidays than in New York.

It's walking past the Christmas tree stands and all the beautifully decorated store fronts that really puts you in the mood.



This is from etsy seller sancynam

And one more from Snow & Graham

Now as the girl that has been married for a good two years now but faithfully loves to check out wedding photos and engagement photos from photographer's blogs I think there's nothing better than putting to good use those beautiful e-pics in a holiday card. Like these from Tiny Prints

 

But my all time FAVORITE photo holiday card is THIS one. 

Totally adorable,  totally creative and TOTALLY wanted to COPY.

(I'm not sure if everyone would agree but I believe that imitation is the best form of flattery and I would've totally been a copy cat if my work schedule and surgery hadn't gotten in the way and I guess more importantly if  I could've gotten my husband to cooperate)

Anyway check out the blog. This is actually their Christmas card from last year and I'm eagerly awaiting to see what they came up for this year.

Anyway...HAPPY HOLIDAYS...I'm about to put on some Alvin and Chipmunks Christmas carols on  and try to be content as I send out my 40% off Christmas card I found at the last minute.

Post Surgery

Surgery is no joke. Sure it looks like all fun and games on Grey's Anatomy but when it's you on the table under the knife..it's a whole different ball game.  But after what seems like months and months of back and forth I finally had surgery to remove my thyroid.

And I have to admit I am freaking out a bit wondering if I've made the right choice. Although going into this I knew there was no easy solution or answer.  I knew any decision I made could have serious negative outcomes.

Millions suffer from a thyroid problem and it's a big deal because your thyroid controls a lot of important stuff in your body; your metabolism, your energy level and a whole slew of things. I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem a zillion years ago at the young age of 14. And thankfully, for the most part I have been absolutely fine. My thyroid was overactive and other than when I first got sick I didn't really suffer from the low energy levels that so many people, especially women suffer from.

Unfortunately, my thyroid never went into remission on it's own and so I've been on medicine for my thyroid for 15 plus years. Doctors don't really dig this. I guess this medicine was not intended for long term use but I felt fine and didn't see why I needed to change anything until BABIES came up.

Yes, babies. suddenly it's a whole different ball game. What's fine for me is not fine for another little human being that you are responsible for. And so began this long journey about what to do about my thyroid.

It has not been a pretty journey. I've spent countless of hours scaring the beejeezus out of myself reading stuff on the internet, I've burst into tears in doctor's offices more times than I'd like to admit and gone back and forth on my decision it seemed like every other day.

From what I could gather the general consensus is that it's easier to control being hypothyroid (having an under active thyroid) when you're pregnant than being hyperthyroid (having an overactive thyroid).

I chose to get my thyroid surgically removed for a few different reasons. One being my eyes.  Overactive thyroidism also known as Graves Disease finds all sorts of ways to mess with you and one way is attacking the glands behind your eyes. The result is your eyes sometimes protrude. I suffer from this already a little bit and didn't want to risk my eyes getting any worse. There's evidence that surgery reduces risk of your eyes getting worse. Of course there's the alternative scar on your neck but figured I'd rather have a scar on my neck than Marty Feldman eyes.

There's also, time. You can "kill" your thyroid by taking a radioactive iodine pill-relatively risk free,  not evasive but  you have to wait 6 months to a year before trying to conceive. I know a year is not a super long time to wait but here's the thing I am so ready to start building our family now; plus, I'm no spring-chicken and besides radioactive treatment just scares me. It'd be one thing if I had the luxury of waiting a few years but one year between radioactive treatment and having a baby was just a little too close for comfort...for us at least.

And thus my decision for the surgery. I can't believe I actually went through with it.

It's only been a few days. I had my surgery on Friday but I'm already freaking out. What if I'm not the same? What if I become really lethargic and gain a lot of weight. The whole point of doing this was to do the healthiest and safest thing for having babies...what if I end up being unhealthier than when I started?

I'm telling myself this scary looking scar will go away with time and that it's nothing a pretty scarf can't handle but I'd be lying if I told you I've been avoiding the mirrors in our place like the plague.

I just want to feel like my normal self  again. I want to be healthy and happy.  Patience has never been my thing...