Post Surgery

Surgery is no joke. Sure it looks like all fun and games on Grey's Anatomy but when it's you on the table under the knife..it's a whole different ball game.  But after what seems like months and months of back and forth I finally had surgery to remove my thyroid.

And I have to admit I am freaking out a bit wondering if I've made the right choice. Although going into this I knew there was no easy solution or answer.  I knew any decision I made could have serious negative outcomes.

Millions suffer from a thyroid problem and it's a big deal because your thyroid controls a lot of important stuff in your body; your metabolism, your energy level and a whole slew of things. I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem a zillion years ago at the young age of 14. And thankfully, for the most part I have been absolutely fine. My thyroid was overactive and other than when I first got sick I didn't really suffer from the low energy levels that so many people, especially women suffer from.

Unfortunately, my thyroid never went into remission on it's own and so I've been on medicine for my thyroid for 15 plus years. Doctors don't really dig this. I guess this medicine was not intended for long term use but I felt fine and didn't see why I needed to change anything until BABIES came up.

Yes, babies. suddenly it's a whole different ball game. What's fine for me is not fine for another little human being that you are responsible for. And so began this long journey about what to do about my thyroid.

It has not been a pretty journey. I've spent countless of hours scaring the beejeezus out of myself reading stuff on the internet, I've burst into tears in doctor's offices more times than I'd like to admit and gone back and forth on my decision it seemed like every other day.

From what I could gather the general consensus is that it's easier to control being hypothyroid (having an under active thyroid) when you're pregnant than being hyperthyroid (having an overactive thyroid).

I chose to get my thyroid surgically removed for a few different reasons. One being my eyes.  Overactive thyroidism also known as Graves Disease finds all sorts of ways to mess with you and one way is attacking the glands behind your eyes. The result is your eyes sometimes protrude. I suffer from this already a little bit and didn't want to risk my eyes getting any worse. There's evidence that surgery reduces risk of your eyes getting worse. Of course there's the alternative scar on your neck but figured I'd rather have a scar on my neck than Marty Feldman eyes.

There's also, time. You can "kill" your thyroid by taking a radioactive iodine pill-relatively risk free,  not evasive but  you have to wait 6 months to a year before trying to conceive. I know a year is not a super long time to wait but here's the thing I am so ready to start building our family now; plus, I'm no spring-chicken and besides radioactive treatment just scares me. It'd be one thing if I had the luxury of waiting a few years but one year between radioactive treatment and having a baby was just a little too close for comfort...for us at least.

And thus my decision for the surgery. I can't believe I actually went through with it.

It's only been a few days. I had my surgery on Friday but I'm already freaking out. What if I'm not the same? What if I become really lethargic and gain a lot of weight. The whole point of doing this was to do the healthiest and safest thing for having babies...what if I end up being unhealthier than when I started?

I'm telling myself this scary looking scar will go away with time and that it's nothing a pretty scarf can't handle but I'd be lying if I told you I've been avoiding the mirrors in our place like the plague.

I just want to feel like my normal self  again. I want to be healthy and happy.  Patience has never been my thing...