CLEAN

If I were a celebrity and I was being interviewed for some magazine and the reporter was like, "When do you feel the sexiest?"

My answer would be fresh from the shower.

I truly think there's nothing better than the feeling of being all squeaky clean. I feel relaxed and happy after the shower and think it's a shame most people shower only in the morning, rushing to work. I believe the fresh clean feeling should be enjoyed at home relaxing, winding down from the day not sardined in between strangers on the subway.

My perfume? Fittingly and simply called CLEAN.

My favorite Yankee candle? CLEAN Cotton.

My favorite thing ever..snuggling up to my husband and getting a whiff of fabric softener from his shirt.

Here's the picture I'm trying to paint here people...I like to feel CLEAN.

So imagine my dismay no HEARTACHE when I was faced with the news that my sanitary sanctuary in the city has been infested with bed bugs.

That's right we found bed bugs in our apartment. Bed bugs! Bed FLIPPING bugs.

How did this happen?? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Weren't we the couple that stopped going to the movies ages ago because of news reports that they found bed bugs in New York movie theaters?

Wasn't I the girl that saved shopping for trips when I was visiting my family in Maryland because I was too skeeved out to go shopping in New York because of reports of bed bug outbreaks at retail stores?

I should have known it was a matter of time before some kind of vermin found me. My track record was too good to be true.

Six years in New York, four apartments, three boroughs and never, not ONCE did I ever have a roach or mice problem.

I would listen to co-worker's horror stories of living among pesky mice and their struggle to get rid of them; another co-worker who sheepishly admitted she gave up trying to fight the roaches in her apartment. I would listen wide-eyed and think, whew thank GOD I don't have to go through that.

Ha! Happy New Year-you have bed bugs.

Our lives have been turned upside down because of these damn things. I cannot even begin to explain what a process this has been. And there is so much misinformation out there and no one really talks about it because who the heck wants to admit THEY HAVE BED BUGS! Not me! That's for sure. I feel SHAME and dirty and for a girl who just wants to feel clean this is not an ideal situation.

Now, I know that we did not get bed bugs because we are "dirty." Nelson, our exterminator and my hero, assures me he's treated the cleanest and richest of places but I still don't want to be known as the girl with bed bugs! No one wants to admit they have/had bed bugs which makes it really hard to get real advice or real solutions. I struggled to find a real good website or blog.  And for every person that says "do this" you've got five others that say "no, do THIS."

I'll be honest,  I really hesitated about even posting a blog about our unwanted guests but the news girl in me thought that maybe it might help someone else.

I do recommend that everyone watch this guy. Yea,  even you people who think, this can't happen to me. HA! My friend, don't be naïve like I was. Heed my warning!   Anyway this guy,  Jeff White, is an entomologist and he seems to know his stuff. We didn't discover him till like day two or three of our infestation. He kindly says in one of his episodes if you think you have bed bugs don't panic. Gee,  thanks...clearly, you've never met me.

I am no expert-but will share what I've learned the hard way.

Don't think just because you change your sheets often and give your mattress a good lil' check each time and don't see anything that you're safe. We did this and clearly, this was a false sense of  security.  We found NOTHING on our top mattress they were all on the box spring so yea- these suckers hide and hide well so you really gotta check. I'm talking flip your bed and check the box spring thoroughly and frequently.

Oh and samesies at hotel rooms. I would pull the sheet back examine the top mattress a bit see nothing and hope for the best. Never again.

Don't think because you don't have bites that you are in the clear. My husband and I never had any bites. Well, I mean clearly we were being bitten because they were in our bedroom but we never had any visible red marks. So you know all those icky photos they put up in news reports of these horrible marks on people's bodies don't think you'll necessary get that. Not everyone has an allergic reaction to the bites.

And my final advice if you do have the misfortune of getting infected: Don't be afraid of the dryer.

So apparently it's well known that heat kills these suckers and their eggs.  (gross I know) Our exterminator and the apartment management folks told us to put everything through the dryer at the hottest temperature. Umm sure, that's fine for a lot of things but what about those jeans that are already maybe a little too tight and all those delicate tops that clearly state air dry.

Dry them dry.

The only things that shrunk on me are things that were wet that I stuck in the dryer. And most things can handle the dryer even my my faux leather bomber jacket.

Believe me you'll be spending enough money at the laundromat and/or the exterminator to send everything to the cleaners.

The irony of all this is that our home has never been cleaner. After we were treated by the exterminator he instructed us to do a thorough vacuum of everything and I mean everything. Picture frames, furniture, shelves, books, cd cases..basically-everything. 

He says these suckers like to hide in dust. Well, he didn't have to tell us twice. We vacuumed and scrubbed like there was no tomorrow. Even though there were no signs these suckers spread anywhere else we still decided to clean out the kitchen drawers, pull out the stove and fridge to clean.  Spring cleaning in January.

And even though I pride myself in not having a lot of stuff I learned or I should say I was forced to learn I could still go leaner and got rid of a lot of unnecessary stuff and while painful to go through it still feels good in the end.

And while things are slowly getting back to normal our cute lil' happy home is still in disarray for our standards. Once you launder and "disinfect" everything you're suppose to seal everything up so most of our belongings are still in plastic bags. We've seen no signs of them for almost two weeks and the exterminator came by again yesterday and declared us "bed bug free" but I'm still cautious that they're really gone. You see things on the web that say people battle these things for months we are hesitant to believe that after one treatment and a follow up our unwanted guests have left for good.

So for now we are living out of plastic bags. And for the couple who prides themselves as having unpacked an settled in within days of moving it sucks but life sometimes has a way of puttng life in perspective for you.

Friday night my sister in Boston calls me and starts the phone conversation like this:

Sis: Don't freak out, ok?

Me: ok.

Me to myself: Oh God something terrrible has happened..what's the worst thing that could happen??? Oh no! SHE HAS BED BUGS.

Sis: I got hit by a car.

Me to myself: Jesus what the hell is wrong with you?? You think the worst thing that could happen is bed bugs? No idiot, get some perspective on life your sister just got HIT BY A CAR!!! This is much, much worse!

Anyway, she is ok THANK GOD. (And seriously, Thank You God.) And while I am still actively freaking out I know there are worse problems out there and we'll get through this. But it still SUCKS. (Pun intended)

Sleep tight folks!